It’s been a while since I wrote about my adventures. After my last post my twin flame and I fought a bit more then we made up, then again. Just like any couple or any two people who live together. But it all seems to be just part of life. I’ve noticed that when I’m scared I’m always edgy and very irritable and it spills out onto my twin flame.
I get scared of so many different things. I’m afraid that my mum and I will never get along and I will regret it when she is not around anymore. I’m afraid I will struggle to find new clients for my business and it will be difficult to support myself. I’m afraid I will be forced to move somewhere I don’t want. And that’s just my top three fears.
When I manage to let go of the worry or desire to control what the future brings - I feel happy and relaxed. But it is a challenge for me. Every now and then the hurricane of fears takes over and I am starting to fight everything there is around me.
The thought that is haunting me these days is my upcoming trip to my hometown together with my twin flame. When I booked it I wanted to show him the places I am from. But I forgot about the people. There is a whole list I usually arrange to meet when I go there.
Meeting them would mean introducing my twin flame to everyone. But I’m not ready for it yet. From my experiences I’ve noticed that people are too eager to share their opinion on whether you are a good match or not. Well, I decide that for myself and I don’t want to be influenced. I want to keep the fragile balance him and I have found to be happy together.
If I don’t meet them, and by coincidence, I ran into somebody, they would feel like I went behind their backs. They will get offended that I did not tell them about my visit and I will have to do damage control. Especially with my mum.
I still find it difficult to hide things from her, even though I’m an adult. The danger is that if she meets both of us, she will seed some destructing thought in my brain and I will end up ruining my relationships like it happened before. Well maybe I’m not as mature as I like to think.
Anyway, already trying to prevent and mitigate lots of different hypothetical risks and dangers, I make myself crazy, annoyed, irritable, and one step away from starting a conflict over nothing. Will I ever learn?
Does the story of the Runaway Wife inspire you?
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