When my twin flame and I started living together, our one most important rule was to keep each other’s freedom intact. Now five months and one move later the foundation of our relationships is giving a crack: neither me, nor he feels free to do as each wants.
What happened? I’m still trying to get my head around it but so far I see several things happening.
From the outside, there are a few strong pressures coming: his job and divorce, our joint venture, but worse of all the move. There is a statistics that shows the number of divorces that happen in IKEA. And even though we only went there once and it went very well, the atmosphere of construction and constant building at home for the last three weeks turned me into a very neurotic character.
I’m happy with a few things and making the most of what I have at hand. I can buy a couple of nice-to-haves but usually, after 10 days I’m done both unpacking and shopping for the new place. Here like in no other area of my life good is good enough.
My twin flame, on the other hand, used to be in charge of constructing the full IT infrastructure of gigantic cruise ships for five thousand passengers. Besides he used to own his own three-storied house. From the way he is doing things I can see he misses the scale so badly. Normally I would be happy for him to do whatever he wants because I don’t hold a strong opinion about all these things. But being afraid of my aftermath disapproval he has been checking every tiny little detail with me.
What that does is completely draining my system two. In his book Thinking fast and slow, Daniel Kahneman defines system one as automatic, decisions that we made half-habits and that don’t require our mental efforts. That applies to washing dishes, driving a car, starting a computer. Unlike system one, system two is described as slow, calculating, and effortful.
So for my twin flame because of his impressive constructing background on ships and 28 moves he’s done so far, questions he asks me and comments he makes are a no-brainer for him but for, me it requires all my processing mental power for every opinion he wants m to give. Now after three weeks my system two which is also responsible for our ability to be resilient is completely exhausted: I’m stressed, I’m worried, annoyed, and just really really mentally tired. And of course, it is not a great pleasure to be around somebody in that state because I’m continually snapping out about everything he does.
To be continued.....
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