Today I moved all my stuff to my new home.
I admit on the way to the old “family” house, that long hour on the train, I wept a bit. It’s a difficult decision to just walk out of the comfortable life with a trustworthy man. But I have been testing myself with this question: if it was the last day of my life, what would I be doing? And so far the answer is anything from jumping with a parachute, climbing Everest to being with a man I passionately desire and love. In my case… it is not my husband. My future ex-husband as I like to refer to him now.
He is a perfection in the eyes of everyone who is important to me: my mum, sister, grandma, and the rest of the family. So I have no supporters in going ahead with a divorce. When I see him it hurts me that I see him hurt, but it is not love, it’s compassion. If I had stayed it would have been out of fear. That wouldn’t have been fair to him or true to who I aspire to be. He is yet to meet the person who will wake him up. I thought I could be it, but I didn’t manage to guide him to the open fearless world of feelings.
When I got into the van with my two movers, for several minutes I was about to cry. But somehow it went away as soon as we left the neighbourhood. The feeling of the road, hot wind, the anticipation of something new took over. When all my cherished possessions were in, I was just happy. It is my new beginning. It is the time to give myself a real chance. It is the time to trust my heart and believe in myself. It is the time to love!
Does the story of the Runaway Wife inspire you?
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